“An ‘assumption’ is a belief that cannot be proved, but group members agree to abide by it anyway.”
– Marsha Linehan, DBT Skills Training Manual
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) – which I am studying carefully and explained a bit here – is usually offered in group settings. DBT, according to its founder, Marsha Linehan, is based on these assumptions, quoted verbatim from her DBT Skills Training Manual, except for bracketed text:
1. People are doing the best they can.
2. People want to improve.
3. People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change…[W]hen progress is steady and is occurring at a realistic rate, with no let-up or episodic drop in effort, doing better, trying harder, and being more motivated are not needed.
4. People may not have caused all of their own problems, but they have to solve them anyway. [Exception is children or disabled persons who may need help from others.]
5. New behavior has to be learned in all relevant contexts.
6. All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused…even if people do not know what the causes are.
7. Figuring out and changing the causes of behavior is a more effective way to change than judging and blaming. Judging and blaming are easier, but anyone who wants to create change in the world has to change the chains of events that cause unwanted behaviors and events.
– excerpted from Marsha Linehan, DBT Skills Training Manual
How I feel when I read these assumptions is calmed. Every once in awhile, my mother would say the equivalent of a couple of those assumptions. I envision myself as a child, standing before her, hearing these words, and feeling my shoulders sag with relief. I don’t feel held – she wasn’t into that – but I do feel like a safe, soothed, comforted child. Marsha Linehan is The Good Enough Mother. I feel heard, understood, acknowledged.
Here’s my personal expression of the assumptions underlying DBT and what I might say in conversation with someone who was studying DBT with me:
1. I am doing the best I can. I decide what to do based on my values, my principles, my current knowledge, and my current understanding. If others ask for, or demand, other or more from me, it’s not due to my lack of effort or caring. We may have a mismatch in values, insufficient mutual understanding, or some other disconnection. But I know with full mind and heart that I am absolutely doing the best I can.
That means you are doing the best you can, too! Oh, how much I appreciate you for this!
2. I want to improve. I can struggle, at times, with identifying what needs improving and how to improve it once I identify it. But I am not stuck. I want better for myself.
You want to improve, too?! Oh, I get teary-eyed with tenderness thinking how hard this is for you. It is for me, too!
3. My progress is steady and occurs at a realistic rate. I do not let up or drop my effort. Therefore, I do not need to do better, try harder, or be motivated. I am doing enough.
Isn’t doing better, trying harder, and being more motivated, tough?! Oh my gosh, I work so hard not to let up, not to drop my effort! It’s so tiring, isn’t it?! Has to be done, but gee, right?
4. I have to solve my own problems?! Oh, thank heavens! A bunch of ’em I didn’t cause, but they’re here anyway and mine to solve! I can appreciate suggestions, guidance, counseling, others’ experiences, blog posts, books, and research reports. I can appreciate learning about origins of problems and possible solutions. Right here, right now, if I have a problem in front of me, though, I need to – and get to! – solve it. For me, there’s huge power in acknowledging this.
I am so sorry for all the problems you have, or anyone you love has, or anyone has. Sometimes it’s hard to feel strong enough and capable enough to address problems, isn’t it?
5. I am willing to look at my current behaviors, decide which ones work for me and which ones don’t, ask for suggestions from trusted others who protect and honor the vulnerability it requires for me to ask, to decide what contexts are important to me, and to learn new behaviors.
Marsha says to just observe, not judge, but it’s hard to look at what we’re doing and not scorn it, isn’t it? If we can see it, what’s the matter with us that we have it?! Why aren’t we doing something about it right now?! Agh! “We’re doing the best we can.” “We’re doing the best we can.” Whew.
6. “All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused…even if people do not know what the causes are.” Are thoughts and emotions behaviors? That’s interesting. Regardless of terms used, I have become aware that I can identify feelings, thoughts, behaviors, physical sensations and conditions, settings, the presence or absence of other beings – people, cats, dogs – and words and actions of others that are precursors to my own feelings, thoughts, words and actions. If I get really skilled at awareness, I can make a conscious choice about what happens next for me, rather than to be overpowered by what I’ve always done or what’s always happened.
This is huge, isn’t it?! To be able to do something about what’s up with us?! Radical.
7. I can figure out and change the causes of my behavior and do it while suspending self-judgment, self-blame, other-judgment and other-blame.
Weren’t we taught that judging and blaming, scolding and shaming, reprimanding and punishing are the right ways to make ourselves be better and do better? Will we still be allowed to be Americans if we aren’t hard on ourselves? Oh, to be free to just try to figure things out and change!
. . . . .
Photo by Shawn You and Daeshaun McClintock from Maia Szalavitz’s visit to Blacksburg, Virginia.
This post is one in a series I am writing as I study dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and attempt to apply it to my own life and to my interactions with others, whether personal or professional. Emotion dysregulation is increasingly identified as both precursor to, and after-effect of, substance use disorder (SUD). DBT is emerging as a research-backed, effective therapy for SUD. I was introduced to DBT by Dr. H. when I revealed in individual counseling sessions the extent of the trauma symptoms I was having after being without alcohol to quell them. I wrote more about her assistance at the end of this post.
Posts I have written about DBT so far:
- Radical Acceptance, 11/30/15
- Catch That Thought, Hold That Feeling, 4/2/16
- Addictions Recovery Self-Evaluation Checklist (informed by DBT), 5/24/16
- DBT Assumptions (this post), 10/4/16
I am also creating DBT-informed exercises for people who are members of substance use disorder (SUD) therapy groups or addictions recovery support groups. I will share as they evolve.
Here’s what I’ve studied or am studying:
- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance
– a kind, compassionate, supportive book
- The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life – absolutely stellar on relationships, especially pages 199-203
- DBT Made Simple – for counselors
- DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets by DBT developer Marsha Linehan (in process)
- DBT Skills Training Manual by DBT developer Marsha Linehan (in process)
