I need all of my awareness.

I anticipate needing all of my awareness to help myself with matters at hand. This is a plain language summary of what I know about how to help myself in challenging times and what I have started saying to myself.

Right now, you can do what needs to be done.

The following set of statements is written as you-statements. I am speaking from my inner wisdom to the part of me that can become aware and take action.

1. Regain your mastery of your attention. When you feel lost, ask yourself to what you are giving your attention.
2. Shift your attention to the air coming in and out of your nostrils.
3. Shift your attention to your values and priorities – what needs to be done for yourself, those you love, and those depending on you.
4. Do it. Take action.

If experience myself as overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts, I can take a look at the awareness circles and do a plain ol’ cognitive therapy ABC Worksheet.

If I hesitate, I can access my inner wisdom.

This set of statements is written as I-statements, spoken by my inner wisdom.

I need a tolerable range of inner stability to handle my inner distress and to make conscious, informed decisions about what is going on in my life and around me.

If my inner intensity is too high, I need to talk myself down to a more stable range. If my inner intensity is too low, I need to talk myself up to a more stable range.

I can take action based on my values and priorities even though I feel afraid. I feel fear in the present. I feel anxiety about what might happen in the future. I am not alone in feeling concerned. Yet, what is important to me – my values and priorities – are stronger than fear.

I can co-travel with fear, with anxiety, with pain, with disappointment, with regret, with grief, with all inner distress and all outer stressors.

I am here for me. My inner self is not what I feel, not what I think, and is not what is happening or has happened to me. My true self is separate and pure and whole.

My brain is here for me. Regardless of the debate about what consciousness is, my full brain’s whole ability to see my feelings and thoughts and access my inner wisdom feels real and trustworthy to me. The human brain has evolved to be resilient and to be helpful. I rely on my full brain’s 100 billion neurons to be there for me, to work with me, and to help me.

I can monitor my energy and adjust to maintain a stable range.

To be of optimal service to myself and others, I must monitor my mental and physical energy reserves and keep them as stably full as possible. The “big four”: sleep, nutrition, exercise, schedule, all are paramount.

I need to be cautious about a “big ask,” i.e. asking myself to do more, do other, do better, exert more, or give more. I need to be cautious about responding to a “big ask” from others. I have limited attention, energy, time, and money. I need to give it, through my values, to my priorities.

If I am unsure of what’s mine to do or question the extent of my influence or control, the three-lane highway metaphor can offer a welcome reminder and guidance.

If I need help, I can be part of the solution by collecting data before I need it. I know that nearly everyone is overstressed and nearly everywhere is understaffed. By writing or typing a one-page timeline with related information about my situation, I can help others use the time they have for me directly and efficiently.

I can become aware of, and stop myself from engaging in, these natural, frequent, unhelpful patterns.

Ruminating. I might repeat the same thought or scenario over and over again, trying to replay it or change it. This is my beautiful humanity wishing things had gone better or could go better. The past is done and the future is uncertain. I can regain control of my attention and shift my attention to what is important to me and to do what needs to be done.

Doomscrolling. Searching the news is my beautiful brain’s understandable attempt to ease my distress by finding some kind of reason, logic, order, predictability, and certainty to the world. Reality is complex, however, and no matter what I find or how much I find, more complexity will reveal itself and my distress will continue.

Self-criticism, self-judgement, self-reprimand. I, as do most humans, have done the best I can with what I know to do, the effort I have to give, and the resources I have. Contrary to cultural belief, self-criticism doesn’t foster motivation, but compromises it.

Repeating statements about myself, others, and the world that are beliefs, not facts. “I should be/have ____, they should be/have _____, the world should be/have _____,” are all statements of wishful belief. They are not facts, they are not realistic, and they are not helpful.

Acting on impulse or acting out of habit or compulsion. I pause. I become aware of my values and priorities. Before making a choice, I do a cost-benefit analysis with rank ordering. I see that all choices have downers, that no choice is perfectly clear, relief-giving, or reassuring. I can co-travel with ambivalence, uncertainty, and regret.

Trying not to feel grief. Grief is the brain’s evolved way to adjust to loss. Love, attachment, bonding, belonging, connection are detectable in the human brain! I can’t will my brain to change. I have to give it time to learn to do without what’s gone. I can ease into grief. I can adjust my inner intensity if it gets too high, but I can ease into my sorrow. It’s real. It’s for real reasons.

. . . . .

I hypothesize that the central adult human task is to gain the perspective, approach, and skills to be able to, within oneself – with self-kindness, without self-judgment, and without the external support of others or from one’s environment – feel all, think all, experience all, function, assess, pause or initiate, all at once, no matter how many burdens one has, how small or large they may be, or how fast new ones keep coming, no matter how vulnerable, uncertain, impaired, hurt, or threatened one is or feels, no matter who is present or missing, no matter what is happening, no matter what has happened, no matter what is to come.

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